Naroni Christmas Specials That Never Happened (2/2)

As this one is a bit more well-thought-out, it'll be told in a Wikipedia-esque plot summary:

Naronativity

Mary (Thetis) and a friend (Nora) head down to the local swimming hole for a bath. They talk about how nice a day it is in Nazareth and how nice it is that there aren't any peeping-toms around. Mary then hears a man's voice calling her name from the bushes; her friend claims not to have heard anything. They finish bathing and get dressed, with Mary's friend heading back to the village and Mary herself going to the bushes to investigate.

Mary finds and meets God (Old Lonriad). God tells her that he's decided to send his son to earth and that she's going to be his mother. He asks if she'd prefer the easy way or "the fun way"; to his dismay, she picks the easy way. God says a few magic words and ta-da! Preggers.

Meanwhile, Mary's betrothed, Joseph (Florian) is visited by three attractive angels (Celina, Holladrin, and Alina) in what he at first mistakes for a sex dream. The angels tell him that his virginal fiancée is pregnant with God's baby. Joseph, already frustrated given Mary's virginal state, is not happy about this, but realizes that Mary has done nothing wrong and agrees to claim the baby as his own. Joseph and Mary get married, though the newly-wed sex is postponed by Mary's not-in-the-morning morning sickness.

Somewhere far to the east, three wise men (Dalston, Octavius, and Severin) notice a bright light in the night sky. They argue over what it is--aliens, a rip in space and time, an astronomical explosion that will destroy the universe, a sign leading to the King of Kings (this last one is dismissed immediately in a fit of laughter)--but figure that they can't learn any more if they don't get on their camels and follow it.

The wise men eventually reach the palace of King Herrod (Roderick), whose own astronomers have also noticed the light. The wise men share their theories, including their joke about the birth of the King of Kings. Not grasping the concept of sarcasm, Herrod sees this as a threat to his reign and commands his armies to seek out this baby. The wise men leave, wondering what Herrod's problem is.

Back in Nazareth, Joseph gets audited by the Bethlehem IRS for not paying any inheritance tax on his grandfather's estate (most of which he lost at the dog track). He's told that he has to go to Bethlehem to sort everything up, so he and the very pregnant Mary pack up their things and set off. When they arrive, it turns out that the circus is in town, so all the inns are filled up with performers and enthusiasts. Mary manages to find one inn on the outskirts of town that has some deluxe suites available at ridiculously low rates, but before she can make the transaction, Joseph comes in and is recognized by the innkeeper (Seoth) as his childhood nemesis. Needless to say, the innkeeper refuses Joseph a room; upset, Joseph decides that he and Mary will spend the night squatting in the inn's stables. Mary goes into labor pretty much the minute they settle in.

Some shepherds (Falidor, Adonis, and Aldhein) are watching their flocks nearby, going on and on about how much it sucks to be shepherd when the three angels appear to them and tell them to go meet the Messiah. The shepherds figure they have nothing better to do, since the predators have been picky lately and TV hasn't been invented yet.

The shepherds arrive at the stable and meet the baby, who is a dead ringer for his father, God. They remark that he looks nothing like Joseph, much to Joseph's annoyance. Soon after, the wise men show up, shocked that their joke theory turned out to be right. Scrambling, they give the baby the most valuable things they bothered to bring: a chest of gold, some incense, and a gift certificate to Hooters. Joseph is pleased, as he can use the gold to pay off his taxes. God shows up to see his son, accompanied by the angels. The wise men are immediately smitten with the heavenly ladies while God is excited about the Hooters gift certificate. To thank Joseph for taking care of the whole fatherhood thing, God takes the gift card and treats Joseph to supper at Hooters while the shepherds cook lamb for Mary.

The wise men and the shepherds and the angels look over the scene. One of the wise men muses that they're forgetting something, but his friend tells him it's probably not that important.

Meanwhile, Herrod concludes a rousing speech to his army with an enthused "It's baby-killing time!"